The Age Old Question
by Shadow of Arashi
Summary: I can’t believe you put bets on my sexual life! What kind of friends are you!" Of cliché and nagging sidekicks. Poor Ichigo never saw it coming. Ichigo/Grimmjow, silly humor, boylove. Rated for swearing.


**Title**: The Age Old Question  
**Author**: Shadow Arashi  
**Fandom**: Bleach  
**Pairing**: Ichigo x Grimmjow (well mostly implied but it's here)  
**Rating**: PG-13 for swearing and the f!word**  
Word Count**: 1039  
**Summary**: "I can't believe you put bets on my sexual life! What kind of friends are you?!"  
**Warnings**: Silly attempt at humor and BL (boy love). This was written at 4am to prove a point, so don't kill me if this sounds stupid or doesn't make any sense. I still believe the point I'm making is fairly obvious AND valid though  
**Disclaimer**: Bleach and it's characters belong to Tite Kubo. I own nothing but the idea behind this fic and my writing skills.

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"No way, I'm telling you it's not possible!"

Renji slammed his fist on the table, causing Orihime's large eyes to widen even more than usual.

"But why?"

She asked, hands clutching onto her glass of mixed milk/egg/honey/tomato.

"Because! It just can't be!"

"That's not an answer Renji-san."

The red haired girl tried again, unwilling to just accept the dismissive answer blindly. Rukia, who was sitting next to her, shook her.

"I'm sorry Inoue but I have to agree with Renji on this case. Everything points out to it being the only logical conclusion."

"But Rukia-san-"

"Can we just drop this topic now? This is both pointless AND retarded."

Ishida, who had been silent so far, interrupted with a loud sigh as he massed his temples.

"Oh shut up Quincy boy, you know you are just as curious as the rest of us."

Renji snapped, waving the interruption away with the back of his hand and causing the Quincy to splutter like an angry cat.

"What did you say?! Unlike you I have no intention to delve deeper into this this idiocy! I'm sure Chad will back me up on that!"

"..."

"I still don't see why you are convinced Kurosaki-kun is a better choice."

Orihime piped up, breaking the silence introduced by the lack of answer from the last member of their little party.

"Because he is smaller, younger and probably weaker, at least physically speaking. AND that's not even counting the fact that he is already the centre of everybody's and their dog's attention. That's just how the rules work, Orihime!"

"But Rukia-san, I think Kurosaki-kun is stronger than you give him credit for and what about-"

"What are you guys talking about now?"

"AAAAH!!"

That was our favourite sidekicks screaming by the way. Except Chad, whose eyes grew larger of one millimetre, demonstrating his shock.

"Kurosaki-kun!"

"Ichigo!"

"Ichigo!"

"!"

"Grimmjow! Wait- Where the hell do you guys come from?!"

"We were passing by and we saw you through the window. What was that about me being _weak _anyway?"

Ichigo demanded, one eyebrow disappearing into his hairline and not looking very happy about what he had just overhead. Grimmjow was standing beside him with a frown on his face.

"Ah..."

"Well you see"

"It's nothing really!"

"We are trying to find out which one of you is on top, Kurosaki-kun."

"**INOUE**!!!!! "

Renji, Rukia and Ishida literally howled in horror at the girl's thoughtless reply. She blinked innocently, visibly confused.

"But it's true. You guys betted that Kurosaki-kun is on the bottom - well at least Rukia and Renji did - and I'm still convinced you are wrong."

She finished with a pout, crossing her arms under her massive chest. Her friends stared at her in disbelief, Ichigo and Grimmjow being the most obviously shaken.

" What the **HELL**?!!"

Ichigo finally recovered and shout, jaw hanging wide.

"Oi what the fuck is wrong with you guys?!"

That was Grimmjow, who had also recovered and switched from looking slapped to looking murderous.

"I can't believe you put bets on my sexual life! What kind of friends are you?!"

"Ichigo, please don't be mad okay?"

Renji attempted to pacify his friend, raising both hands in defence.

"How can I NOT BE MAD?! And _why_ am I the one on the bottom?!!"

Oh boy was he fuming right now...

"Oh come on, you can't tell us otherwise Ichigo. I mean, you are strong and all but-"

Zabimaru's master suddenly snapped his mouth shut, realising he was digging his own grave here.

"But what, Renji? Go on."

"Errrr"

Ichigo was calm, too calm for his own good. That could only spell disaster and Renji sweated, already seeing his own death.

"What Renji is trying to say, Kurosaki, is that while you are indeed powerful compared to Grimmjow you are pretty much uke material and there is no way you can top him. This guy is like Kenpachi on drug. And don't you dare ask me where I learnt the term uke. I would rather not speak about it."

"..."

"..."

Ishida just **had** to open his mouth, didn't he?

"Fuck, you guys are out of your fucking mind, do you know that?"

Grimmjow finally said, eyes still glued to the group who was shaking in fear by now, and with good reasons.

"I must agree with Grimmjow here; and thank you for the vote of confidence guys. Really I appreciate it."

Ichigo added, eyes darkening ominously.

"Aaaah..."

"Ichigo it's not-"

"_I_ think you are on top, Kurosaki-kun!"

Three guesses as to who said that.

"Ichigo-"

"Renji, do me a favour and shut the hell up."

"Sorry..."

The shinigami could have crawl under a rock right now if he could. But Ichigo was far from done.

"No seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?! Firstly this is none of your business and secondly-"

Grimmjow took over at this point, putting a hand over his lover's mouth to keep him quiet.

"Who says we can't switch?"

Five pairs of eyes blinked in unison.

A minute passed in silence.

And then five brains stopped functioning.

"..."

"Excuse me?"

"What did you said?"

"Did you just-"

"You guys are fucking morons," Grimmjow snarled "that's what you are. Do you really believe we would stick to one role? We are both men in case you didn't notice. There is no way we won't switch at least once in a while, even if we may have a preference for- ouch! You bit me!"

"That's what you get for shutting me up."

Ichigo smiled innocently at the blue haired arrancar before facing his friends again.

"Anyway he is right. You can't have a healthy relationship if you are not on an equal position and refuse to share. Uke and seme are only fiction roles, you idiots! And since you guys seem to be suffering from amnesia, I'll remind you that I did beat Grimmjow before in battle."

He concluded and glared at the petrified forms of his friends for good measure.

Then, judging they were done with the situation at hand, promptly exited the room with a grumbling Grimmjow ("_oi__ Ichi did you have to bring that up?!_"_)_, leaving five baffled souls behind.

Some people just never learn...

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End file.
